How writing letters to my children has helped teach them lessons about finance and life
Early in my life, I realized something about the way I communicate: I’m more comfortable expressing myself in writing than in a discussion. I find that when I write, I can think, organize and clarify my thoughts so I truly understand the essence of what I am trying to say.
In my work, I am constantly writing answers to questions via email, preparing articles for our website or reaching out to clients of our team. I feel comfortable with this approach, and my sense is that by laying out my thinking clearly, I am often better understood and can reduce any anxiety a person may have about their financial life.
I also use this approach at home.
As the parent of three children, each with their own unique personality and way of being in the world, I often find myself feeling that I don’t express myself as fully or clearly as I would like when I talk with them.
In the rush of daily life, sometimes what I say reflects an unsettled mind rather than my rational thoughts on any particular topic. Because on-the-fly discussions with my children tend to be overly influenced by short-term thinking or my emotional state at the time, impromptu speeches are not generally my best work.
Knowing this about myself, I made a decision years ago: I would write letters to my children whenever I had something important to say. By writing it out for them, I could be really clear about what was on my mind, and they would have time to genuinely reflect on my thoughts. My hope was that by doing this, they would better understand me, I could initiate conversations that would allow me to better understand them, and, ultimately, they could better understand themselves.
These letters have now become a normal part of our lives, and while they are sometimes met with a bit of an eye roll, I know that my children value my contribution to their lives and read the letters closely.
The letters do not follow a specific timeline or topic. They are simply lessons or thoughts I share with one or more of my children at a particular moment in their lives. Sometimes a letter is prompted by a big event or milestone. Other times, it is a response to something that has happened or a question a child has asked me. I just write them whenever I have something to say.
Recently, one of my children was feeling overwhelmed and worried about achieving their goals. After hearing about their concerns, I felt it called for a famous “Dad letter.” I wrote the letter in point form with several simple suggestions.
Here are some of the things it contained:
- Small and continuous improvements over a long period of time can lead to big changes. For example, if you allocate seven hours a week to self-improvement, over the 52 weeks in a year, you will have spent 374 hours on personal development. Over five years, that’s 1,870 hours. Imagine how much of your potential you can unlock in that amount of time!
- Focus only on things you can control. Other people’s thoughts or actions are not things you can control, so try not to let them distract you from what you are trying to achieve.
- On another occasion, with another child, I wrote a simple letter with the following ideas in it: Don’t be hard on your friends. They are also struggling to find their place in life. Sometimes, you will give your friends more than you take, but then there will also be times when the opposite is true. Don’t keep score. Seeking independence shouldn’t result in isolation. Humans are social creatures and live better and more rewarding lives when they balance personal and group goals. Just be a good friend and a good teammate and you will find that you end up getting what you need in return.
- In another case, I wrote a letter to our daughter when she turned 16 this year, trying to convey what seemed like helpful insights for her to have at this stage of her life.
Like I said, I write these letters in response to moments, milestones and any experience where it seems like it would be useful for them to have something from dear old dad.
As the holiday season approaches, I encourage you to consider writing letters to your children. Even if you don’t think of yourself as a writer, I suspect you will find that the process of sharing thoughts in writing will benefit you both. You will also discover that these letters mean a great deal to your children, now and in the future. No matter how old your children are, you can write to them about anything you have in mind, ranging from principles and beliefs to practical advice.
For example, you could write about the values your family stands for, important details about your ancestors and family tree, your estate wishes or money lessons you think are valuable to pass along, how you wish to be remembered in the event of your death, or lessons you wish you had received from your parents.
I think you will find that this is a lovely way to bring your family closer together and create lasting lessons and memories.
If you would like to discuss investment strategies or need help with planning, call me or email me at richard.dri@scotiawealth.com.